ROUND ONE: Kingston goes barrelling through Quinn’s pillow castle. “It’s the KOOL-AID MAN CRASH folks! Unbelievable! What a punk move!”, I commentate. ROUND TWO: a sneaky vengeful Quinn steals big brother’s bouncing ball and chucks it into the street. “Oooh! LORENA BOBBITT! WHATTA SICKO!”, I announce. Things are tensing up around here at MGM SKINNER and these two young-battling-savages are gambling with my patience. ROUND THREE: Just when I thought she didn’t have anymore fight in her…Quinn delivers a flurry of vicious toothbrush whackings to Kingston’s blocking arms. “OMG! The L.A.P.D! ” I call. ROUND FOUR: A desperate Kingston, hungry for a win…clinches a fist full of her stuffed animals, and fires back with an overzealous face mooching. “AYE!”, goes the break up.
Enter Chapter 80: Dukes Up
All we do is stand in between them, pull them apart, or talk them into a part-time peace treaty. As parental referee’s we’ve got to let our siblings hash it out from time to time. Sit back, drink our java, and watch them figure it out on their own. Fighting alongside them every step of the way is the reason our crow’s feet need lotion. Just keep in mind that no one has time for the Emergency Room. So keep the Jerry Springer-chair-throwing to a minimum. Hush foul language. Hide the butter knives, and break up Eric Garner choke holds. Let the lessons of sibling conflict begin.
I’ve watched enough. I ate leftovers standing over the trash can for ROUND ONE. I unsuccessfully tried jumping rope as meditation for ROUND TWO. ROUND THREE, I was doing laundry. Annnnnd…during ROUND FOUR…I ran out of orange bitters! They (kids) got on my last nerve. My last straw. My last mixed drink with all the fancy stuff. It was time to stop the madness. “Kingston! Go to your room. NOW! Quinn! Downstairs. MOVE!”, I officiated. They parted ways; sister pouting and brother stomping. The house turned stiff, tense and smelled like it was “experiment dinner night”. Homemade French fries, cheese, mashed potatoes, ground turkey with a side of bak choy and kale douced in a raspberry dressing. “Kingston and Quinn! Come over and eat!”. He poured her a drink, and she grabbed an extra fork for him.