It’s parent/teacher conference week; Zoom style. Our young and fresh-faced teacher is about to look into the eyes of her homeschooling perpetrator. Me! Guilty of all charges; submitting blurry homework, helicoptering in the background, and writing in answers. I know she knows my tricks. I’m about to get ZOOM’d….red-handed.
Enter Chapter 26 part 4: Dunce Do It
“Whatta’ dummy!”, we shouted at the adult contestants in Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? From the seat of our La-Z-Boy recliners, answers would fly out of our wand-waving remote controls quicker than Shaggy’s kids can say, “It wasn’t me!”. We were pure geniuses. But now, with distance learning upon us, the tables have turned and the pressure is on! Because we’ve become contestants ourselves! Not from behind a podium, but from in front of our home computers.
So! Welcome to You A Fool! The game show where homeschooling reveals what level of dummy we parental tutors really are. Our teachers are the host. And our kids play the ruthless audience; ready to expose us as nitwits, just for the simple pleasure of screaming, “You A Fool!”. Fortunately, for the sake of our parental power structure, this online game show provides it’s contestants/tutors with infinite life-lines. Therefore, when the host asks “What is refraction?”, it’s okay to call a fake bathroom break…sit on the john…and use YouTube or Google to answer the question. As a result, we’ll save face from the know-it-all kid audience. As well as have taught them a thing or two. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved, and our level of dumbness remains well hidden into their teenage years.
BZZZZZZT! Glows my shirt pocket. Ignored. I’m thinking ahead, and nothing can interrupt me. What could I possibly say when our brilliant teacher asks how Quinn spends thirty minutes reading a picture book with less than 10 words in it? BZZZZZZT! Glows my shirt pocket. This is precisely why I love an in-person parent/teacher briefing. Both parents in tiny chairs. Getting talked down to. Watching our teacher’s wise eyes dart back and forth. From Mom to Dad. Dad to Mom. There’s no telling which one of us is in charge of our kid’s wrong answers. As far as our teacher knows…we’re both idiots! BZZZZZZT! Glows my shirt pocket. KIDS DON’T HAVE CONFERENCES, read my phone. “Halle-FREAKIN-lujah!”, I am saved! By the grace of Kingston’s and Quinn’s good behavior and due diligence…my homeschool perpetrating ways remain undercover. We’re passing 1st grade baby.